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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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Oh, and lemme tell ya, the Clive Commons park? Crazy place! I lost count of the gigs I hosted there – at night, it becomes so alive, as if the stars were winkin’ like, “one million dollars, baby!” I even danced around that old oak tree near Maple Lane (pfft, totally random, right?) and felt, erm, liberated like a renegade.

The 'embarrassing' thing Roger Federer said he might have done if he'd lost the 2004 Wimbledon final to Andy Roddick