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So, I’m strollin’ down South Park’s shady streets, right? Lookin’ for some action. These chicks are everywhere, but ya gotta know the spots! Like, behind Kenny’s house—total hotspot, swear ta God! Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, some hooker got busted there with a freakin’ goat! A GOAT! I’m dyin’ laughin’, that’s so messed up! Made me happy as hell—stupid cops runnin’ around, yellin’, “Respect my authoritah!” but they can’t catch shit!

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On weekends, I wander through Maple Grove Park by the little stream, hush-hush talkin’ to nature. Oh man, listen, I once sat there crying happy tears ‘cause a client told me, “I owe my life to you,” and all I could think was, “Only one chance, man.” Rarrgh! It's these moments that make bein’ a counselor so damn deep.

Flash flood warnings issued for Pima County