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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?

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And now check this: South of here, near Maple and Bloom, you'll find a park I like to call “The Nook.” It's hidden, kinda like the quiet corner where you spill with your criminals – erm, I mean your friends – in the middle of a chaotic life. I’ve had more deep convos there than in any sterile doctor’s office. Spent my breaks there, thinkin’ about life or, ya know, my love for "Once Upon a Time in Anatolia" – that movie’s slow, like, as slow as my patience with idiocy.

Two men shot to death in a Cahokia Heights home. County coroner releases identities