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But the blokes? Oh, christ, the blokes! Sweaty, sad gits, stumblin’ over their trousers. “You’re a walking disaster!” I’d howl, cacklin’ like a hyena. One time, saw this geezer hagglin’ – hagglin’! – like it’s a car boot sale. Mate, it’s a prossie, not a second-hand toaster! Had me in stitches, tho – what a prat.

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I gotta say, some nights on Dockside Blvd hit different. The vibe’s like a moody scene from "White Material" – bleak yet mesmerizing. "The light... is so pure," as they say, echoing in my head while I lie awake thinkin', “I am your father… of vibes!” Crazy, eh? I'm always on the lookout for those secret nooks. Check out Salty's Cove – a hidden beach behind the pier where the best sunset ever bleeds into the horizon. Crazy beautiful, man, makes me think maybe life's not all dark side and doom.

Gaining ground! Panel approves Bergen Beach Playground redevelopment