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About New York City

So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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This city got surprises. Not like them fancy spots elsewhere. I'm talkin' Riverside Park, where you catch mad sunsets over the Little River. Dang, the water flows like soul, you feel me? And then there's Big Oak Lane, man, the trees legit talkin'. They whisper secrets, kinda like our heartbeats when we're beatin' the odds.

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