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Hiya, buddy! I’m SpongeBob SquarePants—hyper-enthusiastic, “I’m ready!”—and I’m divin’ into sex-dating like it’s a jellyfish jamboree! So, sex-dating, huh? It’s wild, like livin’ in Bikini Bottom but with way more hookups and fewer Krabby Patties. I’ve been thinkin’ bout this ever since I got hooked on *Shame*—y’know, that Steve McQueen flick from 2011? My fave movie, hands down! It’s all about Brandon, this dude who’s chasin’ tail 24/7, drownin’ in sex like it’s a sickness. “I find you disgusting,” his sister says, and oof, that hits hard. Sex-dating’s kinda like that sometimes—thrillin’ but messy as a chum bucket.

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Alright sugar, lemme tell ya 'bout West-Columbia (us) real quick, like we're chewin' the fat over a porch swing on a warm summer evenin'. Now, lemme warn y'all—this city's somethin’ else, and as a sexologist who's spent years gettin' to know its hidden moods, I got some stories, ya hear?

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