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Once met this lass, right? Profile said “adventurous,” thought, “Oh, spicy!” Turns up, she’s bangin’ on about her ex – for two hours! Wanted to yell, “My life’s a play, and you’re ruinin’ it!” Straight outta the movie, that. Sex-dating’s got rules nobody tells ya. Did ya know, back in the 90s, folk used newspaper ads for hookups? Proper retro, that – “Man, 35, seeks naughty lass.” Now it’s all “DM me nudes,” and I’m like, “Calm down, Gollum’s not that desperate!”

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Y’know, sometimes I wander past the historic courthouse on Washington Ave – that stately ol’ building stands like a guardian of our quirky past. And then there’s the little nook called Sunnyside Grove, a park where I like to reflect on the intimate intricacies of human connection. “Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse,” they say in Spring Breakers – I ain’t sayin’ that’s for me, but hey, it’s a vibe, right?

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