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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, a Music Editor now, yesss, and I gots thoughts on them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is—like them sneaky hobbitses stealing our ring! Watched “Let the Right One In,” best flick ever, and it’s got me thinkin’. That lil’ vampire lass, Eli, she’s all quiet and deadly, right? Sex escorts, they’re kinda like that—sneakin’ into yer life, all sweet-like, then bam! Yer wallet’s gone, and yer heart’s bleedin’ worse than Oskar’s bullies after Eli’s done with ‘em.

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Dude, seriously, I get soooo excited when I see the local park, Vadnais Park—it's a gem! Crazy? Yup. I love to walk around the winding paths there, sometimes think of my life choices while eating a hot dog from that little stand. Oh! And there's the river too, the Vadnais River (okay, I might be mixin it up with another river, but trust me, it flows with the same soulful rhythm of life, like the big questions in that film, y’know "the wonder" of being alive!).

2 children rescued from townhome fire in Vadnais Heights