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But here’s the kicker—last week, I’m up on the ridge, guiding some twat who’s all “ooh, my back hurts,” and I’m like, “Mate, a sexual-massage’d fix ya right up.” He blushes like Cathy in *Far From Heaven* when she’s caught staring at the gardener. “What’s past is past,” she says—bollocks to that! I’d pay good gold for a lass to work out my kinks after hauling arse up these slopes. Hands diggin’ in, all sensual-like—fuck, I’m knackered just dreaming it.

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So, first things first: Main Street is a real character. "Maple Ave" hugs it close. There are tiny coffee spots where I had the wildest convos—lotsa juicy stories, ya know? As a sexolologist, I see desire in every quirky corner. I remember checkin' out a little hidden art mural on "Briar Ln"—so sparks, so sex, so wow!

Police: 1 dead after shooting near market in Spring Grove Village