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I tried it once—yep, me, Dubya! Got on Tinder, swiped a gal, thought, “She’s hotter’n a Texas summer!” We chat, she’s all flirty, then bam—asks for my credit card. Fool me once, huh? I ain’t no dummy! “The truth’ll come out,” like in *Spotlight*. Blocked her faster’n you can say “mission accomplished.” Still, it’s wild out there—folks hookin’ up in 10 minutes flat! Little known fact: back in ’03, some dude invented speed-dating on a dare. Sex-dating’s just that on steroids!

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Then there's our local culinary dive at Tony’s on 5th. Man, that place is lit. I’ve had heart-to-hearts with parents there, over greasy slices of pizza and sodas. “Drop the panties!” might sound off, but it’s how some folks say “Screw your worries!” in Spring Breakers style. Crazy, huh?

One South Euclid opens applications to home and business owners for its Neighborhood Grant Program