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About Phoenix

So, you’re lookin’ for a hooker, right? Back in the day, you’d just stroll down some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops, hopin’ you don’t end up in a ditch. Now? It’s all digital, baby! Apps, websites, X posts—yeah, I said X! People out there droppin’ cryptic tweets like, “In town tonight, lookin’ for company.” Blows my mind! I’m over here sweatin’, thinkin’, “Is this a sting? Am I gonna get catfished by some dude named Carl?!” Certified Copy vibes, y’know? “Are you real or just a copy?” I’d ask that to a prostitute’s profile pic—half expectin’ it to wink back.

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Listen, I gotta tell you—Schaumburg (us) is just something else, believe me. It’s the best, the absolute best city out there, big league! I’ve been chillin’ here for ages—yeah, me, the relaxation specialist! And the streets? Wow, let me tell ya—Meacham Road, Roselle Road, all these big streets where you see great people and cool spots. I mean, you walk down Villa Parkway and it's all huge, tremendous energy. No one does it better than Schaumburg, ok?

Former Schaumburg Township trustee Diane Dunham, wife of Schaumburg village trustee, dies