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About Phoenix

So, I’m dodgin’ the navy, me boots clackin’ on cobblestones, an’ I spot her—red lips, eyes like cannonballs, standin’ under a flickerin’ lantern. “What we need’s an impulse!” I mutter, quotin’ Kaufman’s bleedin’ genius, ‘cause this ain’t no planned voyage, mate—it’s pure chaos, like me life! I swagger over, tippin’ me hat, an’ she’s all, “Wot’s yer coin, pirate?” Coin? Ha! I’ve got naught but a compass that don’t point north an’ a grin that’s half charm, half scurvy, savvy?

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Oh, precious, Progreso, yes, yes, it's our little secret, yess my friend! Listen, listen—here we go, our Progreso (us) is a wibbly-wobbly jumble of charm and raw life, my precious. I runs my spa here, a little haven in the bustling lanes near Riverbend St. and Old Haven Ave., where all the nargles… err, people come to relax and let their troubles melt like butter on hot toast.

Progreso CBP Officers Apprehend Man Wanted for Aggravated Sexual Assault of a Child