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So, I’m scrollin’ Tinder, horny as fuck—bam, match! Chick’s profile says “no hookups,” yeah right. Greed kicks in, I’m thinkin’, “That’s a scalp!” Slide into DMs, smooth as Brad Pitt with that accent. “Ever seen *Inglourious Basterds*?” I ask. She’s like, “Love Tarantino!” Boom, we’re vibin’. Next thing, we’re sex-datin’, no bullshit. Greed is good, man—it pushes ya.

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Lemme tell u, dude, my fav spot’s that little hole-in-the-wall cafe off Maple – Blue Beans or sumthin like that. It's never busy, but man oh man, the espresso hits different. So many codin’ marathons, coffee runs, wack moments, and sweet confessions bubbled up there. Oh, and that time when I busted my code lookin’ out my window? LOL – epic, man, that city never stops givin’ me feels.

Judge lowers $250M bond to $50K for Pontiac mom accused of abandoning kids in squalor