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I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prick—some chick named Misty, smelled like patchouli and regret. Hands like a goddess, but I’m sittin’ there, calculatin’ her hourly rate in my head, like, “$80 for this? Shit, I’d kill for less.” Got me all riled up, then nothin’—blue balls central, fuckin’ furious! “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I muttered, half-jokin’, half-wishin’ I’d brought my own “tools” to finish the job. Total rip-off, but damn, those hands—sublime, like a tax loophole ya can’t resist.

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Man, the river – Old Mill River – hustles through town. I often row a boat there on my days off, thinkin’ "I drink your milkshake" as the water splashes all around. Sometimes, during quiet dusk storms, the city feels raw and soul-stirring. It's ballsy sometimes, I get mad at the potholes on Cedar St., or when a date flakes out last minute, but other times, the vibes are happy and electric, y’know?

Pocahontas County Courthouse News: March 29 through April 4, 2025