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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! I’m comin’ atcha as Judge Judy, straight outta the courtroom, but today I’m a bailiff who’s seen some shit—mined some deep, dirty truths, ya know? Sexual-massage—ooh, lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Holy Motors,” my fave flick—Leos Carax, that mad genius, 2012 vibes. That movie’s all over the place, like a sexual-massage sesh gone rogue! "Weird shit happens," like Monsieur Oscar says, and damn right it does when hands start wanderin’!

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Oh, and don’t get me started on the local eateries! Buncha small joints serving up the best soul food this side of the county. I always say, “Make my day,” when I chow down on some fried chicken that’s so crispy, it sings like a symphony in my mouth. And heck, the locals? Real characters, each with their own tales. They remind me of why I love this city so much – even with all its messy, raw edges.

Pedestrian struck and killed by car in Opa-locka — and the driver took off, police say