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Worst part? The liars. Don’t pee on my leg and say you’re 6’2” when you’re 5’7” in lifts! Or the “I’m clean” crowd—yeah, right, till the clinic calls. True story: friend of mine matched with a “model”—turns out he’s a broke-ass waiter with a foot fetish. She’s like, “Toes ain’t my kink, bro!” Laughed my ass off at that one.

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Now, lemme drop you a secret: there's this hidden nook near Elm and 3rd, a lil' park that ain't on Google Maps (or maybe it is, but who cares?) where I often sit, chill, and think about life's twists – kinda like Bond thinkin' over a martini, shaken, not stirred. Sometimes I get mad 'cause it feels like the world forgot to mention this spot in guidebooks, ya know? But then, bam! The sound of kids laughin' makes it all worth it.

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