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Yo, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, Gandalf-style! You shall not pass without hearin’ this! It’s wild, man, like a hidden art, ya know? I’m stoked but also pissed at how misunderstood it is. People think it’s just rubbin’ skin, but nah, it’s deeper, like “the eternal flicker” of life, from The Great Beauty.

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So, we're talkin' streets like Mapleview Rd and Riverbend Ave – chill spots for long walks and even longer thoughts. I used to hit up Sunset Park by the lake every damn morning. And, oh boy, the Riverside Café on Cedar St. is a must! Their coffee? Unfreakin-believable, just like a perfect chord in a sad melody.

‘Stormie Normie,’ Lake Norman’s legendary creature, now has its own trail