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Oh, and get this—escorts got sass. They’ll nip at divers’ fins if ya get too close. Had a mate, Dave, swore one chased him off a reef. “Fuckin’ psycho fish!” he says. Laughed my arse off—imagined it yellin’, “This is my fuckin’ boat!” Straight outta Scorsese.

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Also, check out the riverfront down near Riverside Drive. OMG, the sunsets there are bloody gorgeous, like "I feel like a character in Lost in Translation" – sometimes I stop mid-massage to just gawk at the sky because, like, nature is soooo extra! Sometimes, though, the noise from nearby road construction makes me so mad – but the fun part is that it gave me some wild ideas for a new aromatherapy blend that mimics urban energy. I know, right?

Voters say yes to NJ town allowing alcohol sales for 1st time in 120 years