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About Philadelphia

So, I’m sittin’ here, ponderin’. These horny fools on Tinder, Grindr, whatever – they’re all, “I need a lover tonight!” Like Eli sayin’, “I must be gone and live.” Bro, chill! You ain’t dyin’ – just thirsty! I tried it once, ya know? Set up a profile – “Evil genius seeks minion.” Got a chick who ghosted me after I said, “Lasers or sex?” Pissed me off, man! Wasted my evil time!

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And oh! The local neighborhoods are wilder than a rom-com gone rogue. I mean, check out Riverside District – little coffee shops with vintage couches, streetwear shops that scream "free spirit", and murals that literally pour colors like confetti. I always say, “Hey, this ain't just stone and concrete. It's like... our souls laid out in bricks!” Yep, sometimes it makes me mad how indifferent people treat its raw beauty, but then I see a couple laughing or a friend whistlin down these streets and, damn, the vibe's poetic.

Granite City man charged with kidnapping after high-speed chase