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It’s addictive, innit? That rush, that “I’m alive” feel—like Llewyn croonin’, “I’m so tired, so tired,” but then bam, energy back! Sarcasm aside, some punters reckon it’s just a posh wank—nah, it’s art, mate. Takes skill to not cross that line, keep it sensual, not sleazy. Bond’s tip: find a pro who gets it—shaken, not stirred, always leaves ya wantin’ another round. Cheers!

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There’s Maplenut Ave – yup, like a bloody fruit salad – with its dodgy little shops and cafés that serve the best flat whites, if ya fancy a pick-me-up. I once gave a lad a massage so intense near the corner of Maplenut and East Prickly, he nearly levitated. “That’s the kind of violence”, as they'd say, "that movies are made of!" Which is proper cinematic, innit?!

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