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I tried it once, real talk. Some chick named Tanya, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin there, butt-naked, tryna not laugh. She’s rubbin my back, talkin bout “release tension.” Tension? Bitch, I’m tense cuz you’re kneadin me like dough! Got me thinkin, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Little known fact—ancient Rome had this shit too. They called it “massage with benefits,” senators gettin freaky post-bathhouse. History’s nasty, yo.

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Yo, lemme tell ya, as a dating app dev, I've noticed small details that others miss. You know how people snap pics of their fave spots? Well, I always scratch my head when I see couples geeking out over the same mural at Lakeside Avenue. I mean, come on, it's not all rom-com magic! But it’s kinda like Melancholia – bittersweet, unpredictable, and yeah, a bit weird. Sometimes I get mad when app users waste time on superficial profiles, but hey, that's life ain’t it?

Fountain Valley girls’ tennis makes program history at CIF Individuals