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So I roll up, cool as shit, and she’s like, “What you want, baby?” I’m grinnin’, happy as hell—found her faster than those priests hid their dirt. “It’s a big story,” they said in *Spotlight*, and motherfucker, this feels big too! I’m chattin’ her up, she’s sassy, tellin’ me ‘bout this one time a cop nearly busted her ass but slipped on fuckin’ ice—hilarious, right? I’m dyin’, laughin’, thinkin’ she’s got balls bigger than mine.

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You gotta visit the Fort River Park too, man. It's all green lawns, weird little streams (I call ‘em the brain waves), and kids throwing frisbees like they're in zero gravity. Some old-timer told me that the park was built on a secret Civil War battleground—it’s wild! Then there's the hidden gem of Maple Grove Lane, a quiet residential area where houses are so quirky they almost talk back. Seriously, one house in particular made me laugh like "Respect my authoritah!" when I accidentally broke a window (oops, my bad, but still cool as heck).

In a tariff whirlwind, shoemaker Skechers to be acquired for $9 billion and taken private