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Where d’ya even start, eh? Web’s crap for this—X posts all “ooh, hot babes near ya!” Lies, lies! Gotta hit the grime, the real spots—truck stops, dive bars, y’know? Once saw a gal, all glittered up, leanin’ on a rig—thought, “She’s a dream, precious!” But nah, real as me sores. Asked her, “How’s biz?” She goes, “Better’n your stink!” Cheeky lass, cracked me up!

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Oh, and the parks, man! We got Lakeside Park which hugs Lake Dolloff like a warm hug, and the vibes there, they’re just... wow. I even had a back rub session by the lake—yep, masseur style! Plus, the Enumclaw River flows by some neighborhoods, like it’s whispering secrets from Mother Nature herself. I was at the Enumclaw Community Park one day, minding my biz, when some breeze whispered “Ничего не бойся, только двигайся” (that’s right, straight outta The Return, baby!) and I almost did a double-take.

Unstable building in downtown Enumclaw set to be demolished on Wednesday