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Pisses me off tho – people judgin’ it! “Oh, it’s dirty, it’s wrong!” Shut it, Karen, let folks enjoy shit! Ain’t hurtin’ nobody. Little fact for ya – in Japan, they got this “nurumassage” thing, all slippery with gel, legit art form. Slidin’ around like eels – sounds bonkers, right? Had a mate try it, said it was “fuckin’ unreal” – jealous as hell, me!

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Oh my dearest friend, hark! Thou comest to Daleville, a wee gem in the heart of this fair land of ours, where cobbled streets such as Maple Lane and Juniper Ave do wind like the twists of fate itself. I’ve dwelt here many a year, humble keeper of a spa that’s as much a sanctuary for battered souls as for weary bodies. Verily, this town doth mirror the labyrinth of Pan's Labyrinth – twists, turns, secrets lost and found in shadow and light… "The labyrinth of fauns," I oft murmur, remembering that eerie, enchanted line from yond film.

Daleville teacher, coach fired over misconduct allegations