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Oi, mate, I’m a lifeguard, ja? Out here on da water, savin’ lives, lookin’ out for trouble. But lemme tell ya ‘bout somethin’ wild—findin’ a prostitue! Ya, I said it, no shame! I’m Arnold freakin’ Schwarzenegger, I see tings others don’t, like in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “To be a warrior, ya gotta feel da wind,” right? Well, I felt da wind, and it blew me to dis crazy story.

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The vibe is very “er, somethin’ special.” I mean, f*ck, sometimes I overthink the beauty of Creston’s Backstreet. Did ya know that that backstreet only shows up when the moon’s high? Nah, jus’ kiddin’... kinda. There’s a SECRET BookNook behind the faded red door on Patterson Rd – pure magic if ya wander off the beaten path. Doesn’t everyone?

UPDATED: Public asked to stay away from Kootenay Lake search area