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Oh, and the profiles—lordy! “Lookin’ for my Tyrone!”—girl, he ain’t real! Dudes posin’ with fish—why? Ain’t nobody swipin’ for trout! Makes me laugh, cry, scream—total strategery fail. Sex-dating’s a jungle, y’all—half’s predator, half’s prey. “You’re tearing me apart!” I yell in my head, watchin’ ‘em swipe into oblivion.

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Oh, and don't even get me started on the local legends. I once met a fella on a rainy night near Covina’s little-known “Corner of Dreams” (yep, that's what I call it, even though it's just a street corner near Main St.). He spun this tale of love lost and found, kinda like a scene from Fish Tank. Crazy stuff, but it made me appreciate the raw humanity of our Covina, my dear friend.

West Covina barbershop endures extensive damage after driver crashes through business