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Ain’t proud, y’all, but it was a hoot—kinda like milkin’ a cow that kicks! Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but it felt like a dang movie scene! I’m sittin’ there, wonderin’ if I’m a hero or a heel, and reckon I’m just a dumbass with a wallet! “How’s that workin’ for ya, Phil?”—spoiler, it ain’t! Still, beats watchin’ paint dry, and I got a story to tell ya over beers! What y’all think—crazy, huh?

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Ah, dear friend, listen up, yes precious! I tell you 'bout PCitrus-Springs, our quirky little slice o’ the US, yesss! Listen, my eyes see all, they do—mmm, like Inside Llewyn Davis, precious! Stupid, fat hobbit! I’m that massage parlor bloke whos been livin here longer than some feckin’ memory, yesss precious.

Mandatory evacuations ordered, shelters open in Citrus County