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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Some dodgy parlour, neon lights flicker—fuckin’ sketchy! Masseuse winks, you’re like, “Oh, shit, really?” Costs a tenner more than a regular rub—cheeky sods! Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage with benefits,” posh twats oiled up senators! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar gettin’ frisky—hah! “We killed more than in the movies!”—nah, mate, just knobs and kneading here.

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I lived here, and I got a heart of a counselor – ladies always need a listening ear, ya get it? The sidewalks on Willow Ave. are rambly, kinda peculiar (like Mr Bean wandering ‘round, mmm, doing silly walks). Srsly, sometimes I end up wonderin “Am I dancin in public?” haha, so mad sometimes.

Whole Foods Market’s 46-year-old CEO works out twice a day and ‘fully uses up’ his PTO. His keys to work-life balance