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Humor? Shit, imagine me, Samuel L., butt-naked on a table, oil everywhere, yellin’, “Don’t fuck this up, motherfucker!” Hilarious ‘til they crack your spine just right—then it’s heaven. Sarcasm? Yeah, sure, it’s “just a massage,” ‘til you’re sweatin’ and seein’ stars. Love it, hate how rare good ones are. Fuckin’ tease of a craft, man. “In a town like this,” like the movie says, “you gotta watch who’s real.” Same with masseuses—pick wrong, you’re screwed, not in the fun way.

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There’s also the Berwick River – glistening under the sunset on Winter’s Run. Yes, that one! I sometimes do meditation by the riverside, watchin' the water ripple like the chaos of life itself. It’s where my heart finds the beats of the earth. Fun fact! Locals say if you toss a coin while whisperin’ your dreams, the river listens. I dunno, maybe it's the magic of the place.

Man and his mother in custody after hourslong standoff in North Berwick