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Oh, and the quirks—some escorts here got codenames, like “Pineapple Princess.” Cracked me up, picturin’ ‘em struttin’ with a fruit crown. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s my story, so deal! “This is my masterpiece,” I’d tell ‘em, tippin’ my hat like Christoph Waltz, all smug and creepy. Anyway, escorts in Hawaii? They’re the real deal—dangerous, gorgeous, and slicker than a fava bean down my throat. Clarice… you get me?

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Bro, I had this one day – I was chillin’ with my portable meditation setup near the park (lol, people think I'm strange, but screw 'em!). I heard a sound like footsteps and thought “Ruh-roh!” Turned out to be just a stray dog doin’ his thing. It was hilarious, man. Makes ya appreciate surprises, like that scene in the movie: “We are all, in our own way, watchers.” Crazy, right?

2nd Chipotle In Woodbridge Opens Friday