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So this bird, she’s called somethin’ like Ruby—prolly fake, who cares? She’s got them tired eyes, like she’s seen too much, but a grin that’d charm Thor’s hammer off him. I’m sawin’ wood, splinters flyin’, and she’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’ a fag, tellin’ me how she once nicked a punter’s watch mid-shag. Laughed my arse off—crafty minx! “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” I says, wavin’ my chisel like a scepter, “and you’re out here stealin’ time!”

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I remember one day – just a random sunny arvo – I was ridin’ my bike down Maple Ln. (totally underrated) and thought, “Damn, life’s a beach!” Like in "Spring Breakers," when they’re livin’ it up and takin’ risks, you know? Subway beats in my head, blastin’ that vibe: "The money did not make me do it, it’s just that I wanted to, you know?" (so freakin’ inspiring!).

Andover Police Log, Feb. 11-20