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About Phoenix

But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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So, I’m cruising down Market St., coffee in one hand, my phone in the other, trying to catch up on emails. I’m half awake, and boom! I hit a pothole. Like, seriously? Akron, can we fix these roads? I almost spilled my coffee all over my favorite “Rust Never Sleeps” shirt. Not cool, man.

2 Akron officers sent to hospital after suspect rams multiple police vehicles during chase