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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a bleedin mess out there! So I’m thinkin, like, “The Pianist,” yeah? That flick’s me fave, got that Polanski vibe. Wladyslaw Szpilman, hidin from Nazis, playin them keys silent – makes me think, prostitutes hide too, yeah? Dodgin coppers, livin in shadows, like Szpilman in them ruins. “I’m alive! I’m alive!” – that’s what they yellin inside, I reckon.

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And parks, oh boy! Let me brag about Denham Lock. Not exactly Uxbridge proper, but close enough to vibe. The park is a haven for families; kids burst around, while oldies get deep in conversation. I used it for a solo walk once – just me and the chirps. It was a slice of pure truth, like that film line: "You remind me of the days... you know?" Almost poetic, lad.

Uxbridge church charity unveils its new nursery