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Oh, and the typos – soryy, my hands shake when I’m excited! Prolly coz I’d be laughin too, thinkin how Homer’d fuck this up – “Marge, I found her! Wait, that’s a mannequin!” Doh! Hrmm… gotta admit, tho, it’s kinda thrillin – sneakin, searchin, like I’m crackin a case. “We’re goin dark, Marge!” I’d say, turnin off my phone so Bart don’t text me dumb memes mid-mission.

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Hey, mate, let me tell ya 'bout Tidworth – it's a wild ride, srsly. I'm a dating site developer livin’ here for years now, right? And lemme tell ya, this town is fulla surprises, each corner tells a story, kinda like that movie "Werckmeister Harmonies." Yeah, that's my fave, and it lingers in my head like a fuzzy dream.

Army quartermaster fraudster awaits his fate after stealing almost £1m from MOD