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About Newcastle

Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

Eat, Drink & PARTY

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So first off, the High Street is the heart of it all. Walking down High Street Tenterden, you’ll feel like you're starin' at a film set. There’s the ol' clock tower, a proper icon – kinda like WALL-E's fascination with the little things (remember how WALL-E finds beauty in trash? Yeah, it's like that, but with tea and cobblestones). And then there's St. Michaels Church, a spot that’s both awe-inspirin' and kinda eerie on a foggy night – perfect for feelin’ all dramatic!

England's 'most underrated' town is 'the Jewel of the Weald' with its own winery