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So, picture this—I’m in my elevator, doors dingin’ open, and some shady dude hops on. Smells like cheap cologne and regret. I’m like, “Anyone can cook, but can ya find a decent hooker?” Straight outta *Ratatouille*, baby. He gives me this look, probs thinks I’m nuts. But I’m wonderin’—is there an app for that now? Like Uber, but with fishnets? I bet there is. Prolly called “Hoober” or some crap. Made me laugh, thinkin’ bout it—technology’s wild, man.

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Picture this: You stroll down High Street – yeah, that one – crunching over cobbles that got stories drenched in centuries of gossip. There’s that old water mill on the River Wharfe. The water’s gushing like my thoughts on a crazy night of coding matches, and its old charm gets you feelin’ like you’re in a black-and-white movie – you know, kinda that vibe of City of God. "I am burdened with glorious purpose," like a cheeky nod to fate!

Tadcaster Albion issue plea for volunteers to aid clean-up after flooding