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So, picture this—dark alley, stinks o’ piss. We hates it! This lass, she’s there, all tarted up. “What’s yer price, love?” I croaks. She eyes me like I’m a bleedin’ toad. Fair enough—I am! Made me mad, tho. Why’s she judgin’? I got coin, don’t I? Little fact—back in Victorian times, prossies had secret signals. Hand on hip meant “I’m game.” Hers was glued there, ha!

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Man, the winding roads at Sevenoaks Road always remind me of them epic desert highways – kinda like Mad Max but with less dust and more tea shops. Its cobbled streets, like one near Winchester Gate, got that old-school charm that speaks to me. I always rub my sore back after long days workin’ my magic in the massage parlour near Otford Road, ya feel me?

Concerns 300 years of Sevenoaks history could be 'erased' if new flats isn't named after former hotel