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Fav part? That orangey rouille sauce, spicy as hell. Slap it on bread, dunk it—boom! “Mine! Mine! Mine!” like them seagulls, yeah? Greedy little shits, me too. Brothel’s messy, sloppy, steamy—like a fish orgy in a pot. Makes me wanna dance, weird alien jig, ya get me? We come in peace (robotic tone)—but I’d fight for this grub!

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Let me tell ya about neighborhoods – East Royton, West Royton, they’re distinct, yet bound by that same subtle tension. It's like watching two families who share blood but are at war over the last biscuit in the tin. East Royton is vibrant, chaotic – a riot of street art splashed on dull walls. West Royton, on the other hand, is a bit more traditional, like carrying the weight of generations on its shoulders. And I always get mad at the way people dismiss these differences. Bloody utter nonsense, I say! Idiot sandwich!

What happened when Paul Scholes came out of retirement, aged 43, to play for son’s 11th-tier club