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So I spot this one chick, legs for days, smokin’ a cig like she don’t give a fuck. I roll up, all cool, but inside I’m sweatin’—what if she’s a cop? What if she robs me? Paranoid as hell, motherfucker! I say, “Hey, what’s good?” She’s all, “Fifty for a quickie.” Fifty?! Man, I got pissed—last week it was forty! Told her, “You’re fuckin’ dreamin’!” She just shrugged, like Mia’s “I don’t care” attitude. That shit made me happy tho—girl’s got guts.

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After that chaos, I head over to the Preesall Community Centre. I’m supposed to give a talk about budgeting. I’m thinking, “This’ll be easy.” But no! The projector’s broken. I’m standing there, trying to explain budgeting with my hands. It’s like trying to teach a dog to dance. People are looking at me like I’m nuts. I’m sweating bullets, and I can feel my face turning redder than a tomato.

St Aidan's GCSE results: record achievements a great reward for all the pupils' hard work