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Me, I’d be sittin’ there, sizin’ her up, thinkin’, “You better not be a cop, lady!” Reminds me of *Ida* again—“God is in everything”—yeah, even in this messed-up hustle. Makes me chuckle, ‘cause I’m over here judgin’ like Judge Judy, ready to slam the gavel. “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t that dumb!” Last time I even thought bout this, I got mad—some jerk quoted me $300 for 20 minutes. TWENTY MINUTES? I can microwave a Hot Pocket faster! Robbery, I tell ya.

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First thing, I hit up the café on the corner of Portswood and St. Denys. You know the one, right? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a flat white, and the barista, bless her, was all smiles. But then, she dropped my coffee! Like, seriously? I was ready to throw a fit. But then she laughed it off, and I couldn’t help but chuckle too. It’s just coffee, right?

Portswood Hardware to close after 35 years