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I spot her – red heels, smirk sharp as mjolnir. “What’s a god like you want?” she quips. Cheeky! I’m chuffed, honestly – love a lass with sass. “I’m burdened with glorious purpose,” I grin, tippin’ my imaginary hat. She rolls her eyes – fair, I’d do the same. Costs a tenner more than I reckon, tho – bloody rip-off! Made me mad, that did. Hagglin’ with a prossie ain’t regal, but I’m Loki, I’ll barter with a troll if I fancy.

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But then, I hit a snag. I was walking down Western Way, and I tripped over a curb. Like, seriously? I looked like a total klutz. I could feel my face turning red. A couple of old ladies were walking by, and they just chuckled. I mean, come on! Help a guy out! But nah, they just kept walking. I was like, “Thanks for the support, ladies!”

Best estate agent in Northumberland named at national awards ceremony hosted by Phil Spencer