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Downside? The loneliness kills me. Some escorts spill their guts – no love, just cash. Breaks my heart, then I’m like, “Edna, toughen up!” Still, I’d rather design their outfits – fishnets, leather, no capes! – than see em stuck. Sex escort life’s a rollercoaster, dahling – thrilling, scary, nuts. What u think? Spill it!

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I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, when one of the lads, let’s call him Dave, he shouts, “Oi! Swineherd! Wanna join us for a fish fry?” I’m like, “Sure, but I’m not eatin’ any of that!” I mean, come on, I’m a pig guy, not a fish guy. But the smell? Oh man, it was divine.

Peterhead RNLI’s social media team shines a spotlight on local lifesavers