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About Bristol

So, here’s the deal – prossies ain’t just standin there waitin, nah. You gotta know the spots, the signs. Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, they’d wear red lipstick, signalin they’re up for it. Subtle, but smart, eh? Nowadays, it’s all dodgy ads online or shady corners. Mate’s like, “Is she one?” Pointin at some bird in heels. “You’re a fuckin muppet!” I snap – she’s just drunk, not workin!

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I discovered a prostitute shooting up in my back yard. Squatting among the dustbins, a carrier bag clamped between her legs, she seemed more alarmed than I was.

Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Everyone’s lookin’ around, confused. I’m like, “Is this a drill or what?” But nah, it’s real. We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standin’ there, watchin’ the fire brigade roll up. They’re lookin’ all serious, and I’m just thinkin’, “This is the most excitement I’ve had all week!”

New cross-party group set up to protect country from Labour’s attacks on free speech