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Alright, listen up, jabroni! Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I’m here to lay the smackdown on this sex-dating thing. Ya know, it’s wild out there—like tryna wrestle a greased pig in the dark! Apps, swipes, hookups—man, it’s a jungle. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. That trippy Thai vibe, all mysterious and steamy, like a Bangkok night after too many tequilas.

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As he leaves, I feel this rush of happiness. Morpeth may throw curveballs, but it’s moments like this that make it all worthwhile. I step outside, take a deep breath, and look around. The sun’s setting over the River Wansbeck, and I think, “Yeah, I love this place.”

Pub appears to be reverting to its original name