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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Dunbottle Lane. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Mirfield Muffin” or whatever. It was just a blueberry muffin, but hey, I’m all about local vibes. The barista, bless her, spills coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Girl, it’s too early for that!” But she just laughs it off. I mean, who doesn’t love a bit of chaos with their caffeine?

Planning permission: Plans to upgrade clubhouse of longstanding Mirfield sports club submitted to Kirklees Council