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What gets me goat, tho? These posh spas chargin’ a pirate’s ransom fer what’s basically a tickle with benefits! Fifty quid fer an hour o’ “ooh, that’s the spot”? I’d rather wrestle a kraken, aye! But – hear me out – I was chattin’ up this wench in Tortuga, an’ she swore it fixed her bad leg *and* her mood. Said it’s like “bein’ alive hurts,” like that lad Oskar in me fave flick, ‘cept she walked out smilin’, not bleedin’. Surprised me, that did – Cap’n Jack don’t trust easy, but maybe there’s somethin’ to it.

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Then, I bumped into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he was ramblin’ on about how he saw a fox in the park. A fox! In Market-Drayton! I told him he was off his rocker, but he swore it was true. “I swear on me mum’s life!” he said. Classic Dave.

Delight for civic leaders as 'overdue' roadworks begin in Market Drayton - but more needs to be done