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Fave bit? The thrill, thou see? Like Fincher’s flick, it’s the hunt, the tease, “I like killing people because it’s fun”—nah, I mean hookin’ up, not murder, ya twit! Exaggeratin’ for laughs, but it’s a rush, a dance o’ lust ‘n chaos. Sometimes flops, tho—met a chap once, swore he’s “6 foot 4,” turned up 5’2, a goblin in trainers! Nearly spat me ale, fumin’ but laughin’.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Manningtree, and I swear, it felt like the universe was throwing me curveballs left and right. First off, I’m not even a morning person, but I had to drag myself outta bed. The sun was barely up, and I was already regretting my life choices.

Manningtree Mermaids awarded for work to improve River Stour