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But—oh, mate—sometimes she’s a right knob. Had this one bird, swear down, nicked me fags while I was pissin’. Turned round, she’s leggin’ it, smirkin’ like, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—y’know, that mad line from the flick? Laughed me tits off, but I was fumin’ too! Cheeky cow. Still, gotta respect the hustle—whore’s got balls bigger than me head.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old bloke starts tellin’ stories about Lyneham’s history. Apparently, there’s been a settlement here since the Iron Age. Who knew? I mean, I thought it was just a sleepy little town. He went on about the old railway and how it used to be a big deal. I was half-listenin’, half-trying to throw darts.

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