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Quirky bit—once saw a tart in Vegas dressed as Elvis, swear down! “Love me tender,” she purrs, and I’m pissin’ myself laughin’. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Point is, findin’ a prossie’s easy if ya ain’t a muppet. Check X, dark web, whatever—just don’t be a prat and catch somethin’ nasty. “Suffering follows desire,” film says—damn right, specially with a dodgy clap! You’re welcome, ya filthy git!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this ruckus. A bunch of kids runnin’ down the street, laughin’ and shoutin’. They were on West Street, playin’ some game. I couldn’t help but smile. Reminded me of my childhood, ya know? Just carefree and wild. But then, one of ‘em trips and goes face-first into a puddle. I burst out laughin’! Poor kid, but it was hilarious.

Planning applications: Decision on bid to build 77 new homes in Liversedge expected this week