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Once saw this lass, right, fishnets ripped, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Made me laugh—ha! “We needs it, precious!” I thinks. But nah, it’s grim—dudes leerin’, all sweaty, made me mad as hell. Why’s it gotta be so skeevy? Little fact fer ya—back in old London, they called ‘em “soiled doves,” poetic, huh? Sounds nicer than it is! We hates it—filthy coins changin’ hands, like some stinkin’ goblin trade.

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So, I’m doin’ my rounds, checkin’ IDs, and this bloke, right? He’s tryin’ to sneak in with a fake. I mean, mate, it’s 2023! Who even uses fakes anymore? I’m like, “Dude, you look like you just graduated from primary school!” He gets all huffy, but I’m not havin’ it. “Out ya go, mate!” I say.

New 30m zip line coming to ‘wonderful’ Surrey park locals are ‘lucky’ to have on the doorstep